PeregrinaMom

¨Loneliness¨ she said.

She had arrived in what seemed an interminable winter in her life.  Barren, dry, lifeless and yet there was hope … and despite the ominous clouds in the sky, there was sunlight, a ray of hope.  ¨The winter does not last forever¨ she used to say to herself in silence.  There was no way she was going to allow anyone to see what  fear, uncertainty and doubts lied beneath her pleasant and well poised exterior.  Walking through the seemingly dead vineyard, she knew it lay not dead, but knew it was dormant to come alive when the conditions were right.  Her delicate hand caressed one of the branches…. It was cold and dry but beneath it, ran what she  knew she had in herself, a will to survive, courage, tenacity, strength against adversity and the spirit of a fighter…… These vines had survived many winters before this one, just like she had… This one just seemed to be lasting too long… but like the ones before, she knew it would pass. The soil was like her soul, fertile with care, barren with neglect.  She knew the roots were reaching deep into the earth to seek the nourishment to survive this winter, to grow, to produce fruit. It was a painful process she knew only too well but one that was necessary if the juice of the vine was to become the nectar of the gods. … One she knew she had to go through herself one more time if she was to break the barrier placed on her by being what she was supposed to be, rather than who she was born to be…. But there was no other choice.

She knew spring would arrive one day. What day? She did not know. Many nights she spent sleepless walking the vineyards in her mind. She had memorized the path, the layout of the land, learning to understand the direction of the winds, even had her own special spot from where she could see everything…. Those memories were her constant companion.  During the day, when she had one moment to stop she again would walk to the window and look for a sign of spring. “It will arrive” and with it....hope.  Her battles were as stormy as those fought by the land and like the land before her, she was strong, she knew she had it in her ……… just like the vines……. she had to draw on her instinct to carry her through…….. like the vines. 

Many years ago, she had left this land, but the land had never left her. 

The sun returned, the warmth began to gently caress the land, the vines began to sprout, the grasses to grow, the olive trees to bloom and with them they brought hope.  It was still cold but she would no longer walk this path in the dark sleepless nights at her home…. She would walk with delight the wet, thawed red soil sticking to her shoes…. It had been many years since she had left this land, but being back was like a familiar memory…. An overwhelming feeling of comfort. A genetic imprint in her soul welcoming her home…….. Seeing the miracle of life one more time, one more season… the gentle giant… yes, like her, the plants around her were breaking the hard soil above them …… like she was in the world she was living in…. Her will to survive, to be who she was born to be …. Like the plants, she was following her nature when what it seemed against all odds, after such a long winter, there was hope, there was life…. They, the vineyard and her, had survived…… together.

In the early morning sunlight, the fruits of the labor done what seemed like so many months before began to burst in color before her eyes…… as her gaze came to rest upon them, her heart burst with what seemed a long forgotten feeling…. Liberation…… Her soul was as free as the fruits hanging from the vines…….. Her smile was as bright as the sun of a summer sky. The feeling of contentment in her heart was as profound as the roots that had brought forth the jewels of the vine before her eyes. Her spirit felt young, renewed….. Bursting with vibrancy which she so gently held between her fingers.  She felt free and alive, strong and the vast views before her gave her a glimpse of the limitless possibilities of all that could be……. In her land, in her life.

The light came in through the window, playing a kaleidoscope of golden light on the wall. It was glorious. The reds, the greens, the browns…… she opened the window and the crisp air came in to her office; she shuddered slightly but welcomed it…. The sights, the aromas, the chills of the autumn wind, the sight before her was glorious…. It spoke of maturity, of experience, of growth, of the joy of the upcoming harvest and the pain of the seasons before reaching this point in her life.

Like the land, she had also reached a point of crowning glory and there would come a time, when she would have to face the winter again…. But now, she was enjoying the fruit of her labor, the nectar of the gods.  Sharing this time with a friend, both pondering the blessings as well as the trials and tribulations of life, her younger friend asked her “Is there anything you regret? What was the price of all this?”

Looking at the views before her, closing her eyes and digging into her soul…. She smiled ……..

“Loneliness” she said.