PeregrinaMom

I have done my share of traveling in my 46 years and I am always amazed at how in different parts of the world the book of hours changes so radically….. and no, I am not speaking about the Catholic book of prayers….. This morning, as I took my dog, Lolita, out for our walk around 8AM I was not surprised to see people in the street coming back from celebrating New Year’s Eve, it happens on weekends too…. only the date was just different. In other parts of the world, 8:00AM is normally quite quiet, but not here in Spain. Many places begin to open at midnight and it is around 4:00 or 5:00 AM that the party really gets started….. At midnight, I was out on my deck seeing the incredible display of fireworks lighting the city and trying to take pictures with my phone as I could not find my camera and did not want to miss it. It did not matter where I looked, lights were everywhere and the joy could be felt in the air…… Spain is a vibrant country, the collective feelings of the country can be felt and seen no matter what part of Spain I am in……..

Were I in the United States, I recall the shouts of joy coming from the neighbor’s homes and teenagers driving around shouting ‘Happy New Year’…. Were in Mexico, I recall from my youth, loud music, firecrackers, cherry bombs blowing up in metal trash cans, laughter and occasionally a few shots fired into the air from somewhere nearby…… God forbade us from a lost bullet!…. By 3:00AM, the stillness began to crawl back into the city……. and all was quiet…….. just around 4:30AM…… too late for drunks and too early for decent people…. a lovely hour to go outside in my robe, take a deep breath of the crisp air and look at the stars…… and for just a few moments, dream…… and hold the world as it belonged to me……. the breeze moving the tree branches, the sky which seemed I could pierce with my fingers, the occasional tomcat or a far away dog barking at some imaginary ghost.

In the quietness of the park, with a cold wind on my back, I kept a close eye on Lolita as she played…. people were hurrying to their homes after a night of celebrating, many of them with the silly look of drunkenness.. yes, the one that makes women think they are the center of attention and men irresistible… from the early morning cup of coffee perspective, it is quite funny to see actually…..crossing the threshold can make us do and say funny things but then again there are a few – like in every part of the world- who are aggressive, mean, belligerent and nasty…… A very nice looking older gentleman, obviously on his way somewhere was being harassed by a young man who was yelling, kicking whatever crossed his path and taking the trash bags out of the bins in the park spreading the garbage with his kicks…. Not a good way to either end his celebration, nor to start his new year and a new decade….. Yet, gratefully the spectacle was broken by a group of young people returning home singing and laughing still filled with the joy of celebrating a new day, a new year, a new decade… friendship, family, life……. I could not help but smile and become a part of their jovial happiness.

Ten years ago, I was in mid thirties wearing a size 6 dress and thinking I was fat. I had a 13 year old girl who skateboarded ….mortified she had acne. I had an 11 year old boy who still participated in the school’s talent show singing songs from some pop music boy group. I was constantly calling my psychotherapist with some existential crisis, I was longing to travel, trying to figure out who I was, had so much to prove…. would hide my smoking from my husband by spraying perfume in my mouth -French mind you-….. I would get upset and drive down to the mall calling the saleswoman at Sak’s Fifth Avenue or Ann Taylor to put something together for me because I had an important meeting to attend to -whether I did or not, its irrelevant-, baked cookies and treats for my children, was into preparing extravagant meals for my family and of course, feeling I could take on the world……..

A decade later……… I am back to a size 6 not because of a diet, but the stresses I have put my body under and not everything is where it was, but I have grown to love my body, my wrinkles, my gray hairs and yes the passing of time. Now, I have an extraordinary young woman for a daughter. One that amazes me with her beauty, growth and self-assurance. I have a son who has taught me more than I could ever learn on my own about the power of change and a very talented DJ who has me dancing to the beat of Drum and Bass music. I do not call my psychotherapist anymore except to say ‘hi, how are you doing?’ just to stay in touch -I am still as crazy as I ever was- I have travelled, figured out who I was on my own, done more than I thought I wanted to do.. no longer hide my smoking but still wear French perfume. I no longer shop at those expensive stores for I am quite comfortable with the look I have developed on my own and not what fashion dictates and as for meetings? I stick to my 12 step ones…… the other ones for whatever reason…. unless they are with people I really enjoy around, I do not care much for……

In the decade gone by, I lost my father, my grandfather, my grandmother, my father in law, my mother in law, my sister-in-law, my best friend and a few others…….yet, I gained a beautiful man in my daughter’s life, a loving supportive woman in my son’s life, nephews, my faith, and a glimpse into the wisdom imparted to me by many who crossed my path…. In the decade that begins now….. grandchildren are coming my way, new stories will be woven, new adventures undertaken and dreams that might or might not come true……. In the decade that now begins, I stand here at the threshold looking with excitement at what awaits me ahead……………. and I cannot wait to take the first step.

Peace and all good.