PeregrinaMom

With a curious mix of fascination and morbidity, I watched as the segment on television started having a difficult time turning the set off.

We, in the United States, have been bombarded with the "Sheen campaign blitz", in television, radio and magazines lining up the checkout line at the supermarkets. What is the main goal of this blitz, I am not sure. Hard to escape the man. My wake up call happened as I was reading the online news on my laptop over a cup of coffee as one Hollywood celebrity (stated the headline) supported Charlie for having the party of a lifetime or having the party he always dreamed of... something to that effect.

Charlie Sheen is a wonderful actor, with an uncanny ability to make us laugh through many of his roles, including "Two and a Half Men", his latest. What is Charlie doing? His job. That´s right, his job, he is an actor who gets paid a salary to do his job so he can support his family. Is he any different than the rest of us? No. If we had a neighbor who behaved like Charlie Sheen Would we befriend him? Invite him over for a Sunday bbq?... Probably not and many of us probably would even call the police. If we knew there were children in the midst many of us would probably call Child Protective Services as well. So what makes Charlie Sheen different?

The young women in the news video on television, seemed to be around my daughter´s age. Probably mid twenties. I do recall one of them saying "yes" when asked if she would like to marry Charlie. If that were to happen, my guess is that children would soon follow. I wonder whether and if that happened, she would cradle her child in her arms and say to her child "baby when you grow up, I want you to do drugs, be promiscuous, drink until you are passed out, I want you to make a silly ass out of yourself on television and socialize with people that will strip you of your dignity, integrity and self respect, I love you so much baby that I will do everything I can to make it happen". I can only wonder. If the allegations of Charlie´s violent behavior are true and if this young woman were to have a daughter, would she also add "baby and when you marry, make sure you marry a man that makes you fear for your safety as well".

As far as this "celebrity" goes, I wonder whether he would face the cameras with his children in tow, leaving the protective shield of Twitter behind and say to his children while the world watched "baby, when you grow up, have the party of a lifetime and proceed to tell his children how Charlie did it and how envious he is and how he wants his children to do that when they grow up. Will it happen? Probably not, his PR people would not allow him to. It would not look good.

Personally, as much as I like Charlie Sheen as an actor, I cannot help to think that he is a son, a very beloved son, a brother, a father, a friend... I can only imagine what his parents are going through. Does it make it easier because he is Charlie Sheen? I do not think so, to them he is not an actor, but their beautiful boy, their beautiful son and I am sure their heart is breaking. In this instant, it is not about the "acting", it is about the boy they have loved, continue to love, a boy that I am sure his mother still remembers as running around the house filled with glee and one who used a sippy cup like the one Charlie has turned into a shrine. Which brings me to my next point.... Can Charlie the actor, separate his job from his role as Charlie, the Dad?

Hollywood. I love movies don´t take me wrong but I also believe Hollywood needs tragic figures like Charlie in their midst. We cannot forget people like Marilyn Monroe, James Dean and recently Michael Jackson. In Hollywood nowadays, there seems to be this "we worry about Charlie" attitude. Worrying does not help Charlie, but doing does. Would it be funny if what some TV hosts are saying about Charlie was said about a member of our own family that was having the same problem? What makes Charlie different? Would we like to have a family tragedy turned into comedic material for their ratings?..... Going back to Charlie Sheen (the actor) doing his "job".. If any of us behaved at work -the way Charlie does- and did not follow the rules, would we get fired? In an instant. What makes Charlie different? Nothing. Charlie deserves to get fired.... but Charlie also deserves a second chance, like the rest of us.

I find it highly doubtful that anyone in his "inner circle" will take a tough stand with Charlie. There is too much to gain for them. Charlie is easy money. Hollywood? I doubt it. I even wonder if some people in the business are not already working on a script about the tragic times of Charlie Sheen recording his every move and waiting for his demise to turn it into a mini series or a movie. Tragedy pays but it is us, the fans who are responsible. We have to assume responsibility for part of this problem.... because we love it, we can´t get enough of the gossip, the insanity, and so many other things.... and it is up to us, the fans of this wonderful comedic actor to take a stand.

Mine? I will not buy, read or watch anything with Charlie Sheen in it. I will not contribute to this tragedy by putting my hard earned money into this insanity. I challenge people out there to do the same. Unfollow Charlie on Twitter, unfollow him on everything he is on, do not even watch reruns of his shows. I challenge the media to do the same, do a blackout on Charlie, no news, nothing. Strip him away from the power our morbid curiosity contributes to...

.......... It is perhaps the only chance a family has to regain their beautiful son. It is perhaps the only chance those beautiful children of his will have to have their father returned to take them on picnics, on trips, to drop them off at school, to be watched proudly at their first school play... and for us fans, a chance to have a talented actor continue to entertain us for many years to come.

I wish Charlie the beautiful life his parents wished for him when he was born.... I am taking my stand, I would not tolerate this behavior in a neighbor, a friend or a family member....I would have to let them hit bottom that they may have a chance at living....Charlie Sheen is no different, except for a famous name... So my gift to him is a Charlie blackout, I will not contribute to his destruction by feeding into the news machine.... I am pulling the cord on this morbid gossip machine...

Woke up this morning, made my coffee and was thinking about the new year, 2010, added up comes up to the number 3, my favorite number…… when was the last time I had a 3 year? Let’s see……

2009= 11=2 It was a tough year for me. One that I would actually like to forget…… eventually.

2008 = 10 = 1 It had some wonderful moments, a few memorable. My son’s growth and the changes he went through as hard as they were, were to say the least, inspiring!

2007 = 9 Another tough year, full of changes, very drastic ones. Yet, a few miracles came into my life…. the birth of my youngest nephew…..

2006 = 8 Oh boy, that was one intense one but doing the Camino de Santiago with my daughter and being inspired by her strength is one experience that changed my life and will never forget. To see her become a strong, powerful woman……. was incredible.

2005 = 7 A tough year because I lost my beloved father in law, 7 too is one of my favorite numbers and even though it was a good year overall, his loss left a void in my life that I have not been able to fulfill after all these years.

2004 = 6 The beginning of the end of a nightmare. So much travelling, Mexico City, Acapulco, Los Angeles, Arizona and back and forth, every single weekend….. So many mistakes made.

2003 = 5 Another of my favorite numbers. A tough year but had some wonderful moments including spending 2 months in Europe with my children just bumming around…… The beginning of the nickname “The Retard X”…… lovely journal to read, I still laugh at the drawings made of me by my children….. Oh to remember them in Paris for the first time….. My son eating his first crepe with the Eiffel Tower in the background, my darling daughter in awe at the Louvre and the look on her face at Galleries LaFayette shopping…… What memories!

2002 = 4 A tough year. Many battles to be fought. Too many fires to put out. …. It’s a blur in my mind.

2001 = 3 A year of transformation and change. Very, very powerful. Turned my life inside out, cleaned out all the emotional weeds that were choking my soul. Went to Paris for the first time. Did the Camino de Santiago for the first time. Went back to the States a changed woman. Strong. Focused. Powerful. At peace and serene. Was strong enough to tackle all the challenges thrown my way. A year where my dream of coming to Spain first came to be.

So, here we are, back at a number 3 year. Another year that promises transformation and change. A very powerful year. A year in which I see how I have to apply what I learned before. A year in which I need to clean my inner garden again. A year where I need to go to where I have dreamed of but have not been before. A year in which I will be back on the Camino de Santiago and will requiere my inner strength, diligence, focus and faith to get to where I need to be. A year in which I will regain the strength lost. A year in which I will fulfill the dreams I had back in 2001……….. And yes, 3 IS THE MAGIC NUMBER……….

Peace and all good…………

January 1, 2010

The book of hours, drunks and a decade gone by

Filed under: family, home, life, thoughts, travel — peregrinamom @ 10:10 am Edit This Tags: Mexico, Logrono, life, USA, travel, decade, 2010, midlife

I have done my share of traveling in my 46 years and I am always amazed at how in different parts of the world the book of hours changes so radically….. and no, I am not speaking about the Catholic book of prayers….. This morning, as I took my dog, Lolita, out for our walk around 8AM I was not surprised to see people in the street coming back from celebrating New Year’s Eve, it happens on weekends too…. only the date was just different. In other parts of the world, 8:00AM is normally quite quiet, but not here in Spain. Many places begin to open at midnight and it is around 4:00 or 5:00 AM that the party really gets started….. At midnight, I was out on my deck seeing the incredible display of fireworks lighting the city and trying to take pictures with my phone as I could not find my camera and did not want to miss it. It did not matter where I looked, lights were everywhere and the joy could be felt in the air…… Spain is a vibrant country, the collective feelings of the country can be felt and seen no matter what part of Spain I am in……..

Were I in the United States, I recall the shouts of joy coming from the neighbor’s homes and teenagers driving around shouting ‘Happy New Year’…. Were in Mexico, I recall from my youth, loud music, firecrackers, cherry bombs blowing up in metal trash cans, laughter and occasionally a few shots fired into the air from somewhere nearby…… God forbade us from a lost bullet!…. By 3:00AM, the stillness began to crawl back into the city……. and all was quiet…….. just around 4:30AM…… too late for drunks and too early for decent people…. a lovely hour to go outside in my robe, take a deep breath of the crisp air and look at the stars…… and for just a few moments, dream…… and hold the world as it belonged to me……. the breeze moving the tree branches, the sky which seemed I could pierce with my fingers, the occasional tomcat or a far away dog barking at some imaginary ghost.

In the quietness of the park, with a cold wind on my back, I kept a close eye on Lolita as she played…. people were hurrying to their homes after a night of celebrating, many of them with the silly look of drunkenness.. yes, the one that makes women think they are the center of attention and men irresistible… from the early morning cup of coffee perspective, it is quite funny to see actually…..crossing the threshold can make us do and say funny things but then again there are a few – like in every part of the world- who are aggressive, mean, belligerent and nasty…… A very nice looking older gentleman, obviously on his way somewhere was being harassed by a young man who was yelling, kicking whatever crossed his path and taking the trash bags out of the bins in the park spreading the garbage with his kicks…. Not a good way to either end his celebration, nor to start his new year and a new decade….. Yet, gratefully the spectacle was broken by a group of young people returning home singing and laughing still filled with the joy of celebrating a new day, a new year, a new decade… friendship, family, life……. I could not help but smile and become a part of their jovial happiness.

Ten years ago, I was in mid thirties wearing a size 6 dress and thinking I was fat. I had a 13 year old girl who skateboarded ….mortified she had acne. I had an 11 year old boy who still participated in the school’s talent show singing songs from some pop music boy group. I was constantly calling my psychotherapist with some existential crisis, I was longing to travel, trying to figure out who I was, had so much to prove…. would hide my smoking from my husband by spraying perfume in my mouth -French mind you-….. I would get upset and drive down to the mall calling the saleswoman at Sak’s Fifth Avenue or Ann Taylor to put something together for me because I had an important meeting to attend to -whether I did or not, its irrelevant-, baked cookies and treats for my children, was into preparing extravagant meals for my family and of course, feeling I could take on the world……..

A decade later……… I am back to a size 6 not because of a diet, but the stresses I have put my body under and not everything is where it was, but I have grown to love my body, my wrinkles, my gray hairs and yes the passing of time. Now, I have an extraordinary young woman for a daughter. One that amazes me with her beauty, growth and self-assurance. I have a son who has taught me more than I could ever learn on my own about the power of change and a very talented DJ who has me dancing to the beat of Drum and Bass music. I do not call my psychotherapist anymore except to say ‘hi, how are you doing?’ just to stay in touch -I am still as crazy as I ever was- I have travelled, figured out who I was on my own, done more than I thought I wanted to do.. no longer hide my smoking but still wear French perfume. I no longer shop at those expensive stores for I am quite comfortable with the look I have developed on my own and not what fashion dictates and as for meetings? I stick to my 12 step ones…… the other ones for whatever reason…. unless they are with people I really enjoy around, I do not care much for……

In the decade gone by, I lost my father, my grandfather, my grandmother, my father in law, my mother in law, my sister-in-law, my best friend and a few others…….yet, I gained a beautiful man in my daughter’s life, a loving supportive woman in my son’s life, nephews, my faith, and a glimpse into the wisdom imparted to me by many who crossed my path…. In the decade that begins now….. grandchildren are coming my way, new stories will be woven, new adventures undertaken and dreams that might or might not come true……. In the decade that now begins, I stand here at the threshold looking with excitement at what awaits me ahead……………. and I cannot wait to take the first step.

Peace and all good.